Oh, fuck your profile pic so fucking hard, you bastard.

For the more reasonable part of my comment: I think that basing the article around the privacy dots is either meant to scare-bait, or reduce complacency in iOS users who say that “I know my phone is safe because it tells me when it’s recording me.”

Did you know that doctor-germs are actually healthier than normal people’s germs, and that hand-washing is all a scam by Big Soap. When I’m feeling sick, I just cut a small incision in me with a box cutter and have a doctor shove their finger inside.

So, leave your coworker alone! He’s an expert in his field, and those aluminum and mercury particles are the healthy kind! Let him get back to spitting bread, tuna, aluminum-coated mucus, and epithets at his coworkers. Stop forcing him to intentionally misconstrue your cautions into personal insults against him!

Btw, this is the same reason that the exhaust from those giant coal-rolling vanity trucks is actually HEALTHY exhaust. And why I recommend that those drivers cup their hands around the tailpipe and gulp as much of their expertly-crafted emissions as possible!

Note: if you look really closely, you might find the part where I used sarcasm.

It’s possible. It’s also possible that he just couldn’t afford to be in the Trump/Epstein files. Maybe his more affordable version of torturing children and animals is abandoning his dog during a freeze to fly to Cancun and then loudly blaming his children?

I’m sure them bits smelled different after they were shocked

If can to might done probably

I was more of a Return to Zork kid. I’d work my way up to each character, and then kill that character to see their death scene. Then I’d start over and work my way to the next. I got all the way to the vulture at the cave, and stopped playing because I was told there were no more people to murder after that.

This bar-less chainsaw is entirely too dangerous, doesn’t address any existing needs, and the so-called inventors lied about how many people have gotten hurt by it!

So you’re going to either have them install a bar, which is a time-proven solution, or you’re going to force them to stop selling it, right??

Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no… God no. We’re gonna create a database that lets us predict if you’re going to have an abortion by connecting your fitness data to which ads you look at the longest and cross-referencing your driving habits.

I’m annoying as fuck and people still love Richard Simmons.

Oh, fuck me, Cap’n! Don’t put me in the god damned Boo Box again! The last man went in, you forgot he was in there and he shit himself and died! No one’s cleaned it out yet. Even if I weren’t going into a box filled with shit and dead-person, I’m scared as fuck that you’re gon’ forget me in there too, and I’ll be added to your collection of shit-coated-cadavers. Why do you even have this collection??? I know there’s only 3, but that’s a really high number when dealing with cadavers, especially ones covered in shit! Please, Cap’n! I’ll do anything! You can do, literally, anything to me except that! To that I say, “NOT THE BOO BOX!”

- Glenn Close- Hook: The Director’s Cut

Paul Dinosaur?

Sounds like this sweaty man has a shrine of every Twilight character, other than Edward, in his closet.

If your dad was anything like mine, he’ll exhume himself just to criticize your choice of shovel and how you’re using it.

“Dad, I’m over here”

How dare you diagnose me based on my thoughts and actions!

This is dumb and fucked up, but I also look forward to the AI analog for @SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world constantly following up its own posts with apologies and banning itself.

you are neurodivergent in case you weren’t aware

Just cuz of my debilitating ADHD, obsession with counting, pitying and anthropomorphizing inanimate objects, repeat tasks until I “do it right” according to arbitrary standards, process pain improperly, assume I’m a burden to everyone around me, and wash my hands until they bleed?

Or is it because I come up with sick-ass usernames?

I struggle with being able to tell when I need to use the restroom until it becomes somewhat urgent, and I eat questionable things.

That’s why I had to specify, “singing racist lyrics.” Otherwise, I’d just say “Bob Dylan.”

Only twice. Separated by nearly a decade. I was gun-shy after the first incident, and decided it wasn’t worth the effort after the second.

Liquid-cooled lota