From when I was 10-11 to when I turned 19 I was made to take care of my neuro-divergent brother (ADHD and autistic traits).
When I say take care it’s not just making a few meals… I mean being made to bathe him until he was 10 and wipe is ass after he went to the toilet and feed him because my parents didn’t want to let him eat by himself because he’d take too long…
I wouldn’t mind doing it when he was little because it’s understandable that a baby/toddler needs those things done, but when he was a prepubescent child and on top of having to do everything for him I had to deal with his constant ADHD (he likes to make you angry for fun) and also having to do the normal house chores (keeping the house clean, it’s not a small house), and also on top of that I had to deal with my own adolescence, highschool drama and the stupid people in class. So as a result I started to do the same things my mom did to me when I was a kid.
My mom used to hit me very badly as a kid despite the fact that I was actually very well behaved. They hit me when I committed mistakes like spilling a glass of water. So when my brother was being annoying or committed mistakes I hit him and insult him like my mom did.
He always laughed when I did it, so it didn’t make me feel regret afterwards.
Now as an adult (21) living away from my family I feel so terrible about how my brother got raised… My parents didn’t give him any attention, then the person parenting him is his abusive sister that is always angry and hits him and insults him.
I really regret the way I handled it, someone else would have probably handled it better, but now the harm is done. My brother seems fine but I fear in the future he won’t be and it’s all our fault because the people around him failed him.
You must log in or # to comment.
What a horrible thing to have put you through, and honestly it a miracle you were able to see through the warped way your parents raised you to see how wrong it was. I don’t know how much the word of a stranger means to you, but you have got to forgive yourself for being a child that was taught to be shitty by your parents. Make amends with your brother now should be therapeutic for both of you.
It wasn’t your fault. And as a father myself I just want to tell you that I’m very proud of you. I’m proud that at the young age of 21 you were quickly able to realize what went wrong and the guilt you feel over it. Don’t feel guilty. I’m also proud of the fact that again at the young age of 21 you’ve quickly realized how poorly you were raised by your parents. I could never fathom forcing my kids do raise another child especially one with autism. I could never fathom hitting my kids or even making them do chores that should be my job as a parent.
If the tools are available to you please seek out a professional to talk to. You need to work through this stuff and figure out how to move forward in life in a healthy way. Also I wouldn’t not blame you at all if you decide to go no contact with your parents. The one piece of advice I can give you is do not tolerate toxic people in your life. I personally wish I had learned that lesson sooner in my life. always remember that the easiest word to say in the entire english language is “No”.
Good luck kiddo, I’m rooting for you.
It’s not your fault. The parts of your brain that allow you to understand him and empathize with him today were literally not developed at that time. An adult’s brain can do it on your own, a teen’s can’t. It is the parent’s role to intervene and guide when a child misbehaves, so the child learns how to manage their emotions and responsibilities. You had no management and the guidance you were provided was abuse. You were supposed to be doing your homework and going on ice cream dates with your crush. You were supposed to ask your mom and dad about your conflicts with your friends, and they were supposed to help you decide how to define your boundaries while not hurting the person. Nothing about what happened was your fault. You were a child in a shitty situation.
I understand your feelings of guilt but Jesus fucking Christ, your parents are the ones to blame. Both for outsourcing the parenting of a special needs child to a another child and for being abusive.
You should feel proud of yourself for taking care of your brother despite your shitty parents.
I hope you find peace.
yeah, no, not your blame, only your shitty parents.
you were a kid, you should been given guidance and structure and support by your failed parents, who should have shouldered the burden of neurodivergence.
you’re allowed to feel guilt and build on your past to a better future, but don’t hold yourself accountable. you weren’t supposed to be allowed to raise a child and hit them.
That type of responsibility is rediculous to put on a kid and on top of it sounds like you did better than your mom. Then on top of all that you recognized what was bad in your actions and wish you had done it different. Which suggests you will try and do better in a care situation in future (or avoid it which is understandable). Im really not sure all that many preteens or teens could handle it better. Hopefully you can talk with him at some point and he can understand what you were going through and the circumstances and he can understand.
This is not your fault, and the fact that you’re realizing now that it was wrong supports that. Try not to beat yourself up over it. When you only have bad examples to base a reaction on, you only know bad reactions. I do think you and your brother should probably see a therapist, together, if possible. Your parents’ parenting style will likely cause unforeseen damage and family therapy may bring you and your brother closer together.
deleted by creator
