I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.

The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.

Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.

The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.

If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.

I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?

What do you talk about to your coworkers?

What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).

  • snooggums@kbin.social
    51·
    5 months ago

    I think one of the reason many people who struggle with small talk is because they take these conversations at face value.

    The thing that bugs me the most about people is that they can’t just say what they want or do the things that clearly convey what they want most of the time. The main approach to social interaction is testing people to find out if other people match whatever they were taught was the ‘right’ way to do things and then judging the shit out of anyone who slightly strays from that expectation.

      • WidowsFavoriteSon@lemmy.world
        91·
        5 months ago

        Interesting that “hello, how was your weekend” and listening to a 10 second answer has such a high emotional cost for you. And this comment is from an introvert.

      • jantin@lemmy.world
        12·
        5 months ago

        Yes. Most people don’t have the awareness of a lot of what’s been said in the comments or they suspend it in their daily lives. They do what they feel is right and since most were socialised in a similar way the signal-response expectations match. Then a certain rapport can be formed by the empty interactions borne out of the semi-conscious feeling that it’s “right” or “nice” to initiate a small talk and respond to it in kind. In this way indeed most of us are like 15 yo girls, just somewhat more serious and self-controlled.

        If I were in a condescensing mood I’d say humans generally are bots following Pavlov’s reaction patterns imprinted during upbringing. But this would be a severe oversimplification and a little a-hole talking through me.