I’m an introvert and I like going to work to do my job and go home. I don’t understand people who use a job as a substitute for friendship or marriage. It’s a means to an end.
The sooner I do my duties, the longer my downtime is going to be, and I love having my downtime.
Many of my colleagues see me and immediately start asking questions I don’t want to answer, but neither do I want to hurt their feelings, I mostly want to be left alone. In the past this has been deconstructed as arrogance and people with fragile egos feel insulted by my indifference to them and that I prefer to work than to talk to them.
The world is made by extroverts. I have observed that people are eager to help you if you give them attention. I don’t get it, but neither I’m not going to change how extroverts think or feel.
If I give them the attention they need for as long as they need it I’m going to end up with daily headaches and neither my job nor theirs is going to be done.
I want to appear approachable, but keeping the info I feed them to a minimum. How do I do that?
What do you talk about to your coworkers?
What do you say to stop conversation organically? (meaning they don’t get offended).
It sounds from your post and your replies here that you resent people trying to be friendly.
Typical jobs pay for your time, not your work product (which is an entirely separate conversation) and it would be mind numbing to try to work straight for 8 hours at a time. Workers are expected to take breaks, and humans are social creatures. Knowing a little bit about the person next to you fosters trust and empathy, two things that encourage cooperation and productivity.
If you care about your coworker, you will help them when they ask. If you care about all of your coworkers, you’ll work harder for the company that employs all of you. This is a fundamental aspect of the employer/employee relationship.
It also helps pass the time. Pleasant social interactions are fun and entertaining for most people. A lot of people also know how it feels to be left out, and try to include outsiders if they think someone might be feeling lonely.
Conversely, working next to someone cam be m pop liserable and distracting when that person is a mystery, is silent or unpleasant, or somehow makes people feel uncomfortable.
Your coworkers are showing an interes in you because they want to make their day more bearable and also make you to feel included. If you don’t like it, you should say so and explain yourself. Chances are, they will understand that you don’t enjoy social interactions and leave you alone without creating any animosity. Most people understand what an introvert is. “I don’t like talking about myself,” is a perfectly reasonable thing to say.
“You talking to me keeps me here longer than I want to be,” is rude, arrogant, and will make people actively dislike you.
Recognize that their interest in you is a kindness, at least from their perspective, and to treat it like a burden is an insult.
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