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Cake day: July 31st, 2023

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  • Yeah, nah, I’m on the side of the government paying for utilities. Human right to electricity. Figure out a system to prevent overuse, but everyone deserves to have heating and cooling when needed.

    That said, definitely wear a sweater in the winter if you can. Acclimate to the season and you’ll hate going outside a lot less, and need less heating in the winter. I typically don’t heat most of my home in the winter (I don’t have central heating). I just use a space heater in whatever room I’m in, and move it to the next room with me, and wear warm clothes. I’m in Tennessee, which routinely gets well below freezing in the winter. Not ideal, but it works






  • I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

    ! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

    Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<



  • I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

    A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”


  • I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

    Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

    Her: why do they need a different version?

    Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

    Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

    Me:… What

    Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

    Me: you cannot drive to England.

    Her: you can’t?

    Me: it’s an island.

    Her: I thought it was Europe?

    Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

    I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

    She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.








  • This was going to be my suggestion. But even day time is good for this. I did security for 12 years. The vast majority of jobs are sitting on your ass watching movies on your phone. Couple tips if you go the security route:

    Security is different in each US state (if you’re in another country this whole thing is gonna be meaningless). In some states it requires a 40 hour course, in others a 10 minute training class. it varies widely, find out what your states guidelines are.

    If you get certed for security, you’ll never want for a shitty, low paying job. If you get fired, there’s another job around the corner. But, contracts change a lot, so don’t get too attached to any one post.

    Gate guard is primo. You normally get a shack, you’re normally alone, and you normally deal with people only during shift changes. That means 6 hours of an 8 hour shift are totally yours.

    Hospital security SUCKS.

    If you need extra cash, concerts and other events pay well, and you get to listen to live music for free.

    If you live anywhere with Weather™ put a change of clothes, food, sleeping bag and other gear in your car. I once got stuck on a post, snowed in, for 4 days.

    Keep shit in your car in general. A steam deck is awesome, a switch is good.

    If you’re on a post with another person, like 2 guards in a tiny shack for 8 hours, make sure you’re upfront about if you’re an intro/extrovert. Most guards have been doing it for long enough that they truly don’t care if you don’t wanna speak at all in 8 hours, they just wanna know up front where their plans should be. Nothing more irritating than thinking you’re gonna have a friend for a day and end up bored because you didn’t bring your stuff with you (which is why you should keep it in your car), or thinking you’re going to have a day to catch up on school/video games/shows and you can’t get 5 minutes to yourself because the other guard won’t STFU

    You are not a cop. Don’t act like a cop. You aren’t even Paul blart. You’re a person in a uniform made of old trash bags whose whole job is to get an insurance discount for the company you’re posted at

    The guard shack almost never has cameras, and for some reason, people on tinder/Grindr are freaking wild about hooking up in a guard shack

    ETA: only thing better than gate guard is posts where they want you to park your own car and sit in it for your shift. You just sit in your car all day/night. Which means your own sound system, and basically everything you wanna bring with you at your fingertips. It’s awesome.

    Also, midsize semi local security companies are better. Securitas and similar companies are kinda shitty, and the really small ones are always, like, weirdly militant. If you happen to be in Tennessee or Virginia I can probably hook you up with a company that’ll get you a good post.