There’s a modified Chinese proverb I like that goes something like this:
Watch your emotions, for they become your thoughts.
Watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Watch your words, for they become your actions.
Watch your actions, for they become your habits.
Watch your habits, for they become your destiny.

Basically the takeaway is that your emotions/attitude aren’t the end point, they’re the start point. The pattern in your comments keep reading of Self-Loathing. That emotion is forming itself into your thoughts and words. Anger management techniques are critical to controlling this metaphorical “curse” you’re under.

To add on, Motivation is great for beginning stuff, and can carry you through the easier parts of the process. But when things get harder and your Motivation runs low, it’s Discipline that’ll push you through the harder parts of the process.