What fucks with me these days are the less gory ones.

Like watching a woman’s hand get caught under a rivet press because she thought she would be quick enough. Safeties failed, no one could hit the kill switch in time. She’s lucky she has use of that hand left, at this point.

I have a love/hate relationship with the safety crew.

They’re why I have to waste time each year rewatching the exact same shit, but equally, I have seen too many incidents of someone ignoring the protocol and getting severely hurt.

There’s just a mild dissonance between that title(which is an awful thing, hopefully they all land on their feet after this), and the happy as fuck Disney Magic Kingdoms image.

You happy about this, Mickey? Does this please your cold corporate heart? They shoulda tied you to the anchor and left you for erased, you sick rat.

So, uhh…

How’d you taste? They leave good reviews? No weird diseases, properly cooked?

And how much?

I’m trying to get my own hands on it, but all of her cookbooks are in boxes that currently reside with my grandfather’s new wife, who has made it her mission to piss on everything of his old life, even his family.

Do… Do people exist without the Rocky Horror soundtrack living in their head?

That is some prime virgin activity, which means we need to hold some Games before the show starts.

Funnily enough, the men in my family are the cooks, normally!

My step-grandmother, though… She knew how to bake. It didn’t matter what she decided to make, it would turn out delicious. She refined a Black Forest cake recipe from scratch, I’ve never had another one like it. The moistness of the cake, icing just rich enough to make a statement, cherries that were the perfect ripeness.

She ruined that cake for me. I know a part of it is the memories, all the time wrapped around when she would bake that, but if I had one wish, it would be to have one more slice.

Very real, from what I can tell.

Old West, Marshalls dialogue options.

“Your replies (a) Dude, the way that we have treated Native Americans is most non- triumphant! (b) Excellent, dude! Cowboys and Indians?! Count me in! (aa) Dude, remember the golden rule - be excellent to each other. (ab) Dude, violence never pays. (ac) I just do not think that we should treate Native Americans in this most bogus way. (ba) Before I can enlist, good captainly dude, I must find ___! (bb) Look dude, the way that I’ve been treated around here, I have little interest in fighting to defend these people. (bc) I’d love to sign up, but ___ has my pen.”

Bill and Ted’s Excellent Video Game Adventure.

Here’s a walkthrough, for anyone curious. It lists the various dialogue choices you had with each character.

Slowly grinding my way through a Pokemon Red Professor Oaks Challenge(Yay, switch-training Magikarp…), and when my brains to the point of melting from that, Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous. Kitsune Bladebound Magus, happily traipsing her fluffy way down wherever Desna may guide her.

May the Gods have mercy on the crusade she’s going to lead.

Alright, who loaded his respirator with Dark Side OG?

Oh hell yeah, running and jumping around in Crackdown was an absolute blast. They had the exploration down perfectly, you really felt yourself get better at navigating, and the reward was just making it even better.

Bowel Disruptor set to “Liquefy”.

Spider Jerusalem wins again.

You ask the turtle very politely.

It is your home, after all.

I’ve gotten to the point that I look up if there’s a good reward for it. Like, does this run through the whole game and build up to at least a nice cutscene or piece of gear? Alright. Annoying, but doable.

A piece of golden shit? Never again. Never a-fucking-gain, I swear I had a faster time pulling KOS-MOS in XC2 than hunting down so many Koroks.

Life goals.

Yeah, that seems odd. The FOX engine seemed rather solid, don’t see why they’re stepping away from it and not using this as a chance to push it onto the broader market more.

I know there’s the legal sense of they still own the rights, but at that point, it’s just abandonware in all but name. No one should be upset about someone downloading abandonware.

I tried. It felt weird.

Fuck the rules, return to the caves away from society.

But that takes away all the subtlety of the midnight double feature.