That’s already existed for years: https://www.eightblack.com/
They run a side-hustle of sometimes on-time airport shuttles (not armed.)
You know what this reminds me of? Commercials from Robocop:
That ED-209 scene is comedic as hell.
I already have a subscription with Trauma Team
I’m not sure they’ve thought this through… If CEOs start hiring armed guards, then doesn’t the next Luigi just become one? Uber-like services aren’t exactly known for their stringent hiring practices.
Shhhh 🤫
This isn’t for CEOs. This is for people with more money than sense who are also paranoid as fuck. CEOs can afford to hire security that they can run thorough background checks on.
Luigi didn’t really have a background that would have flagged him.
It’s literally being marketed to them…
From the article:
Who is this for, you might ask? A video posted on January 6, 2025, that runs just over two minutes gives the game away. It opens with a photo of assassinated UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. “We’re going to run through a scenario to demonstrate, where if a Protector had been present, crisis could have been averted,” the Protector says in the video. He then runs through several fantasy versions of the assassination where a Protector is on hand to prevent the assassin from killing the CEO.
Also,
This is for people with more money than sense who are also paranoid as fuck.
You’ve just described CEOs.
No, it’s literally being marketed to paranoid people.
Do you honestly think CEOs of major corporations would stoop to hiring their security through a non-vetted app?
Absolutely. Almost no CEO would’ve had a security detail before now. Also, minimising costs is their lifeblood. They’ll definitely be using this.
Your average paranoid Joe can’t afford to hire some goons to hang around him. And the people on the board of investors don’t need celebrity like CEOs do, so they’re largely unknown to the public, so don’t need this service.
I’m sorry… you think CEOs would be cheap with protecting their own lives? These are people who own multiple mansions and have collections of sport cars.
And of course no CEO would have one before now. No one was suggesting otherwise. But now they do. And there are already companies out there they can hire that have vetted, experienced people who come heavily-armed and highly-trained, so why would they use this app?
I’m sorry… you think CEOs would be cheap with protecting their own lives?
Quite literally, yes. Their commitment to being as cheap as possible is pathological. Not frugal, cheap.
I don’t understand how one can have multiple mansions and luxury cars, and then we get into things like the tailored suits and the fancy dinners, and also be cheap. That fits no definition of the word ‘cheap’ I know.
Awesome idea for an app!
The capitalists will “efficiency” aka be greedy and pocket what they should have spent on their app’s vetting process into being useless, basically opening the door to hiring potential heroes who wish to do the right thing being given the capitalist’s location and being invited to show up armed.
Five stars!
Systematically driving down the wages of the people you expect to catch a bullet for you by gig-ifying their industry seems like a pretty terrible idea if you’re someone who depends on armed security for your continued existence.
I guess I’ll go make some popcorn.
Sweet! They’re giving would-be assassins the perfect way to get close to their target! 😃
Sure would be a shame if a bunch of normal people hired them for bachelorette parties and stuff, preventing them from responding to CEO requests.
Just sayin’… our 15th Wedding Anniversary is coming up, who wouldn’t want an Escalade entourage? ;)
That’s who is going to be hiring them though. People who have no need for such security because they were never in any danger to begin with, but had the money to throw away on this either because they’re paranoid or they want to show off.
CEOs can afford Academi.
