The number of tankies in this thread is just epic

… and other fairy tales

I can’t stress how important this is: babysitting does not, in fact, involve sitting on baby.

Yeah, that’s not a danish, that’s an entire cake. It’s 14 ounces.

Around 2004-5 I regularly stayed at a large chain hotel near Tucson airport (something like Doubletree, but I’m not sure if it was that one). They charged a daily fee for the phone in your room. Not for using it, mind you, just for the phone being there. And no, they did not have rooms without phones.

Pretty sure Hilton will just sell you one

“Aside from people who [benefit from self-checkout], it's hard to see who benefits from self-checkout.

I’m at 17, no lie.

During the 2022 cycle I made the mistake of donating to a lefty cause, and this year I was getting up to twenty (20) grifting emails a day. Just a few well-crafted email filters later, it’s down to zero. For texts, as soon as one comes in it’s “block and report as junk”. I’ll keep this up until I have every fucking number in the US listed as junk I don’t care.

Their idea of a “tech worker” is an angel investor

Por que no les dos?

They probably just need a drink. Offer them a Molotov Cocktail.

Zeno. The name is Zeno.

I’m trying to picture wearing a sock on one foot, and underwear on the other…

Way back around 2010 or so, when Siri was still new, it was really bad and I found myself regularly cussing her out. I thought that might be bad to always associate these things with a woman, so I switched it to a male voice, intending to toggle back and forth every so often. I’ve yet to switch back.

Xeet. Pronounced like you think it is.

Someone might be going in for an annual checkup, so you can’t just assume that something is wrong.

Ask them for their social security number, mother’s maiden name, favorite pet, favorite teacher, high school mascot. It should start to dawn on them

Sounds kinda racist, honestly