Donalds diaper is sometimes in the oval office.

When I was a kid, all the adults said “Stay in school kid.” So I graduated.

Then as a teenager, they said “Don’t take up smoking”. So I didn’t.

Then as a young adult they said “Don’t become an alcoholic”. So I didn’t.

I figure if basically every person of a certain age group is all saying the same thing, there must be truth in those words.

Now they’re all elderly, and I’m 42, and they’re saying “Don’t get old, kid”.

…what do I do? Am I supposed to commit suicide? Is there some magic fountain of youth I don’t know about? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM MEEEEEE???

I wouldn’t. That place is full of pedophiles

George Carlin said it best. We want dumb happy obedient workers. Smart enough to runthe machines, but not smart enough to realize how badly they’re getting fucked by the system. So don’t count on the schools to do much more than basic math, and basic skills. Because what helps the elite class screws over the working class. It’s best to start screwing them in kindergarten. Teach them the pledge of allegence, so they feel endebted to our system, and keep them there for their entire lives.

Paraphrasing here, but that’s the jist of a routine he had in the 90s. The important thing to note is that Carlin was NOT a time traveler. He didn’t predict the future. It’s just that we as a society have had the same problems for 100 years, and we never fixed our shit.

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh…not doing that, because duh.

There’s a fan theory about the show King of the Hill.

I think it was season 2 that Peggy Hill went sky diving. The parachute doesn’t open, and she seeminly falls to her death. Except then you find out that she survived, and is now in a full body cast.

Fans noticed that before those events she wasn’t very aggressive, or stuborn, or stupid. But after the fall, those are the traits that would define her character going forward.

The theory is, the brain damage from the fall changed her. And thats a good in show way of saying “the writers hadn’t found her personality yet”.

Why would Monica shame Bill? I mean, I guess you could make the claim that Monica isn’t in the Epstein files, and as far as I know that’s true. But it still doesn’t explain why Monica? Almost everyone on the planet meets the criteria of “Not in the Epstein files”. As far as I know Hillary isn’t in them either. Or you could get Jack Black to do the shaming. Or you could get whoever Frances world leader is. Lots of people not in that list.

So, why Monica?

…I don’t understand your sarcastic usage of quotes here. Are you saying the FBI didn’t get hacked?

If they didn’t get hacked, then why are you saying words?

Tina Fey said she would take things her daughter said and work them into the show. The big one was “I want to go to there”

It’s one of those things where a mother always finds her own kids to be hilarious. It’s just in this case, the mother is a famous comedian who works those lines into a sitcom that she stars in, and is also head writer on.

For reference, her daughter was 2 when she said these things.

And I would bet this was another daughter line.

Didn’t the courts already determine that like a decade ago? Not saying I agree with it, but I seem to remember this already being a thing.

This whole time people thought cops were racist. Who knew? Turns out they don’t hate black PEOPLE, they just hate the color black! Totally different type of hate!

…ugh. All jokes aside, we live on the dumbest planet. I’d leave if I could.

Brdbrdbrdbrdbrd!!!

Sweet! Now someone will do the dishes, and cook! No more cereal dinners for me!

No country/regime has ever unconditionally surrendered because of conventional airstrikes and bombardment alone.

Are you forgetting WWII? Japan was setting up for a big American invasion of their islands, expecting millions dead, and then we dropped a nuke. Japan still refused, so we dropped another nuke. Then they surrendered.

You’re assuming that we won’t use nukes, simply because it’s immoral and a huge escalation over nothing. Now look who’s giving the orders. An immoral pedophile who hates anyone mentioning how he’s a pedophile. He’ll do ANYTHING to stop people from mentioning he’s a pedophile. I think that includes nukes. This is the same guy who used the phrase “We’re gonna bomb the shit out of them!”

They literally did this 4 years ago in Ohio. They legalized and encouraged teachers to bring guns to school.

It’s one of the few times I was wrong. I said within 5 years we will see a teacher shoot a kid that didn’t need to be shot.

I guess technically I have a year left, but so far I forgot they even did that.

RIP Uvalde kids…

Fucking rot in hell, Uvalde cops.

I was using a program called “Boxes”.

Right now I’m running Firefox with 10 open tabs,

Oh…I guess I’m the only one who opens firefox, and literally thousands of tabs.

One day I closed one window and it said “Are you sure you want to close 158 tabs?”

I said yes. It was one window. I had 23 more windows.

reads the title

Well…those certainly are words. They don’t make sense in that order, but they are real words.

The paul brothers came from the disney channel?

Damn. I thought they started as youtube vloggers that pissed on a japanese grave or some shit.