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Cake day: January 4th, 2024

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  • A good list of CIA fuckers, but it also gives the CIA too much credit in a few places.

    Again, the CIA wishes they were even half as competent as you think they are. They’re a bunch of chuckle fucks who think they’re puppet masters.

    Sure, they can topple a government if they throw a shitload of resources into it, but they can’t get their picked side to win. Not unless the picked side was already in control, like what happened in Congo.

    But let’s take a closer look at each;

    Iran. The context of before the coup is important here. The US, UK, and Soviets had invaded Iran as part of WW2. The British then held the countries oil reserves and ruthlessly exploited them. This led to the election of a reformer named Mohammad Mosaddegh. He nationalized the Iranian oil fields, which led to an embargo.

    The first CIA plan to get rid of Mosaddegh was to support about 18 legislators in their elections. Mosaddegh suspended that election. Which was not a popular move. The second plan was to pay a bunch of criminal leaders to protest and riot, but there were already protests and riots due to the embargo and suspended elections.

    The British were actually the ones who first approached the military, but the Shah refused to cooperate until Mosaddegh dissolved parliament and declared himself the complete ruler.

    Even then, the first coup attempt failed. The failure was to the extent that the US government was actually considering switching support to Mosaddegh because he was anti-Russia.

    But the general picked for the coup attempt was never captured and continued to run around gathering support until he could try again. Mosaddegh made a bunch of mistakes, and the CIA was actually pulling out of the country when the second coup attempt was made, and like most coups, the second attempt succeeded.


    And that’s just Iran, Multiple outside governments working against a guy who was only really popular among his own ethnicity, and the coup failed the first time.


    Guatemala; the CIA role was cut back massively because a CIA agent wanted someone to sign off on the illegal weapons being shipped into the country. The three dictatorships surrounding Guatemala were still on for the invasion, and the military officer who eventually seized power was good to go from the beginning, because he was part of another, earlier attempted coup.


    Honestly, reading up on all of these coups shows how many times the CIA fucked up completely, and still bungled their way into a semi-successful coup. A good 2/3 of the time, the new government was not friendly with the CIA at all. You’d think, if they were all powerful masterminds, they’d have a better track record.

    But no, all they do is get people killed. They’re good at that. Often not the people they wanted to kill, but they take credit anyway, because they like to pretend that they’re competent.



  • The start of the Syrian civil war had nothing to do with anyone except the Syrian people being pissed off at living under the most restrictive police state in the Arab world. There were protests after a mass arrest and subsequent torture of 15 teenage boys who had spay-painted some anti-government graffiti on some walls around the city.

    Assad cracked down on the protests hard, which led to people saying, “fuck this shit, time for a revolution”.

    Iran started helping Assad, and then the US started helping the rebels. And yeah it’s a shit show now. But no, it would have kicked off without outside help.


  • I’m not saying the CIA doesn’t do damage, I’m saying that they’re not competent enough to do it on purpose.

    The CIA wishes they did even a quarter of the shit people say they do, but are not actually masterminds. Because no one is. No one runs the world, and Color Revolution is made up nonsense.

    The CIA cut a deal with a general in Iran to overthrow the government, but that general was already planning the coup before the CIA caught wind of it. But wouldn’t you guess, the guy the CIA backed didn’t actually win in the end.

    As to Cuba, did you know that the CIA tried to kill Castro like 30 times? Some of the attempts read like a Three Stooges routine.

    The KGB was just as bad. Their fuckups are less documented because of how controlled the media is in Russia and the USSR before it’s fall.


  • I wish I lived in your world where people were actually competent.

    But in the real world, the CIA, working in Lebanon, used a code word “Pizza” to literally mean, go to the local Pizza Hut for more orders. Hezbollah used their amazing deductive reasoning skills to crack the code, and then just had people watch that particular Pizza Hut. They ended up outing about a dozen highly trained CIA agents and the informants they were meeting with.

    In the 60s, these chuckle fucks were too busy secretly dosing each other with LSD to actually get anything done.

    Every revolution or regime change that the CIA was involved in ended up a complete clusterfuck. Look at the Bay of Pigs as an example.

    The only thing they’ve ever been good at is smuggling drugs, and they only reason they were good at that is that they could tell the DEA to look the other way.

    And there are stories of fuckups from CIA drug smuggling. Like Iran-Contra. The Contra were trading drugs for guns so they could literally run around as right-wing death squads.

    Anyway, this is a long rant to say that the CIA wishes they were competent enough to have been behind Oswald. They were not then, and are not now. But they love the PR, and some of them might even believe the bullshit. Doesn’t make it true.