AUDIENCE

BOOO! BOOO!

CATHERINE (one hand on her hip, the other defiantly pointing at the audience)

I do as I please! I do as I please! Y’all don’t know me! I do as I please!

Americans are increasingly concerned about Donald Trump’s age and fitness as dictator

I’d never seen that before. Holy shit.

How do you nominate for comment of the year?

I don’t want to go back to cleaning mouse balls.

There’s Waldo.

It is, but I figured it out eventually. I mean he did. Probably.

Disqueue, then.

Oh, fucking gross. I love it, is there more?

Disque?

… I reluctantly accept your offer.

No it’s more likely that my emotionally and financially abusive car stealing, gaslighting, steal-money-out-of-my-wallet-while-I’m-sleeping parent just didn’t want to be held accountable for her shitty “parenting.” Also the multiple expert evaluations that say I’m not diagnosably autistic. But I guess I should listen to the guy that analyzes people’s mental health based on a four sentence internet post uninvited, right?

CUT TO PETER AND HIS FATHER

PETER (screaming and fighting his father) You can’t oppress me!

etc.

YO, my mom did this to me! In fact I figured a lot of this shit out when I found r/raisedbynarcissists. I saw a lot of people there claimed to be on the spectrum which I thought was pretty weird. So I follow the rabbit hole and I learn about PTSD, CPTSD and I start seeing a therapist about it. Turns out she just didn’t want to be responsible for fucking up her kid.

I receive: chair. You receive: lap. Do we have a deal?

About half were wiped out by flu, measles, and chicken pox when contact was made in the 80s.

Okay. But still ಠ_ಠ

Am I looking at mayonnaise? That’s like 1:2 mayo to dog ಠ_ಠ

M’aiq? I’ve been calling him ‘Mike’ this whole time. Why didn’t somebody tell me?

That sounds Korean AF