I think I’d be a terrible park official. I’d say the same things, but always with a winky face.
Bigfoot isn’t real ;)
That’s our official stance ;)
It’s terrible in most scenarios now that I think of it…
Be sure to stay hydrated out on the trail ;)
Please evacuate the grounds, there is a wildfire burning ;)
If a grizzly comes after you, play dead. ;)
Link as well.
Never play around with fire… ;)
Pop that booty ;)
If it doesn’t go well, at least you’ve got a head start.
Why is the changing her life part (losing weight and getting a divorce after seeing Bigfoot) relevant? Did she leave her husband to try to get with Bigfoot and is suing the state because they claim her new beau doesn’t exist? Wild!
She says that seeing bigfoot was so inspiring that she lost weight and got a divorce. Not kidding. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5512979/Woman-saw-bigfoot-SUING-California.html
It does not seem relevant to the argumentation in the lawsuit.
How come even in 2024 with 4k HDR 120FPS video cameras on smartphones in everyone’s pockets, the alleged videos of Bigfoot are still complete mush?
I don’t even see a bear in that video. It’s not clear there’s anything besides trees. It’s just a big dark blob.
That’s the problem, Bigfoot is blurry! Run, there’s an 8-foot tall, out of focus monster!
Mitch Hedberg was a genius.
Right, see, those are relevant because they show the value of that inspiration. Inspiration that could have brought many more valuable changes to her life if she still had it, but sadly the park service stole that inspiration from her, along with many potential benefits it could have brought her if they’d just let her remain blissfully ignorant of the true identity of the inspiring bigfoot she thought she saw.
“Inspiring”
It made her feel things, deep animalistic things and that’s just the word she chose to not look even more crazy than she already seems.
Probably because she thought that the impossible was possible and took action based on that change in perception.
Dating bigfoot being the impossible thing.
But why would that lead her to sue the park for saying it was a bear? Seems unrelated.
Probably because they killed her changed mindset with it and now she is worried of falling back into old habits
Shouldn’t this be proof that the change was really inside her all along? How does she know they’re not lying to cover-up for the fact that they got Bigfeet walking around?
Hurt fee-fees
“How dare you break my delusion!”
It’s because in the decent photos, it’s obviously a bear.
No, you’ve misunderstood. She married the Bigfoot and now she’s suing because she was perfectly happy not knowing he was just a bear. They had a destination wedding in London and the divorce lawyer’s bear-wedding annulment fee was 125 pounds.
Ah, Sir Bearington strikes again.
Not that uncommon. Have you seen that documentary called The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then the Bigfoot
Likely an editorial error and got their stories mixed up. But I like your scenario.
Is it America in one sentence?
Its the entirety of the other site condensed into one sentence
This was peak “other site” parts falling off the wing, and they post on Reddit asking if they should tell a crew member.
How on earth do people still think Bigfoot is real? It’s obviously just a Yeti in a gorilla suit.
No way man tell you what my brother skeet done seen that dang ol sasquatch when he went to to Calistoga to seent his two brothers Jim and Jed. See they was out huntin one day though I think Jed was out evadin the police on accounta he’s got warrants and unpaid could support, an he an Jim are wanted by the bondsman see, so they was out huntin deep in them woods up there up by the squirtin hole and them old rock woods you know? Anyway they was out there and they seent him. Big ole samskatch. Tain’t no yeti in no bear suit man maybe a Stanley though it were pretty big
I’m assuming this went down like the church scene from The Blues Brothers. Some lady goes out to the woods to get a little clarity where a bright light from heaven shines down on her and instead of James Brown, Bigfoot appears and says, “Have you seen the light!?”
And she’s like, Yes! Yes! Jesus H Tapdancing Christ! I have seen the light!"
And just like that, she’s off on a mission from God.
“The hills around here are pretty squatchy.”
Guy on one side of the forest does a squatch call.
Guy on other side of the forest hears it.
“I think theres a squatch in these woods!”
The Daily Mail is shit post defined.
I’m with her, she lost all that weight to date Bigfoot and now California says it’s just a bear.
To be honest I think she should go with the trend and choose the bear.
Halsin noises in the distance
There’s no such thing as ‘a Bigfoot’.
Bigfoot is a proper noun, if you saw him, you didn’t see a bigfoot, you saw the Bigfoot. But more likely it was some lesser Sasquatch.
^/s
Edit: Does Lemmy’s markdown not support superscript?
Excuse me, sir, but I have not only seen a Bigfoot, I have been inside a Bigfoot.
Here is a Bigfoot:
Well fuck, I’ve been out-pedanted.
It’s true. I am the master pedant.
God dammit I hadn’t even realized it was you
There’s no hierarchy in the sasquatch society. To them, ‘bigfoot’ is a slur. ‘Skunk ape’ is strangely a term of endearment (to them, we are their ‘skunk apes’, on account of the smell) ‘Hairy man’ is unnessecarily gendered. ‘Orang Pendek’ is fine, but also gendered. Wood ape’ is a bit simplified, but fine. Yowie is used proudly by the Austral version, but secretly used as a bit of a slur by the North American variant to describe their southern cousins.
The Peladiens diplomatically refer to them as ‘The honorable inhabitants’’ (in contrast to humans, referred to just as ‘the inhabitants’)
Anyone ever seen a Dracula?
In order to sue you have to show damages. It seems like she can only show benefits. Maybe she can gain more weight than she lost before she goes to court and start dating an asshole or something.
Olivia Nuzzi reposting a story only marginally more ridiculous than her own life
Pretty typical Bigfoot encounter.
Half of the Daily Mail headlines are like this.
She had best be prepared to regain those 125 lbs and remarry her husband then?
(I have no idea what I’m saying here tbh, but that does seem in keeping with this headline!)
Wait a minute… realization slowly dawns: exactly who is the “bear” supposed to be here?!?! 🙃
Standard Daily Mail fare here.
